Yep. I’m having a baby!
With this new, beautiful addition coming to my life, I have been thinking long and hard about the potential relationship my child could have with their uncle (my brother, who has disabilities and is under my moms guardianship). I have even thought of letting my mom potentially have a relationship with my child, however, the thought of her being involved stressed me out and brought back awful feelings. With these in mind I reached out to my brother to extend an olive branch. I texted him, congratulating him and letting him know he will be an uncle! His response was not what I was hoping for but I was entirely prepared for it.
His only concern in his response to me was about my mom. He said “before you congratulate me, will me and mom be involved in the kids life?”. I responded kindly and let him know that even though I’ve lost trust for our mom and am not prepared to bring her back into my life, he 100% will not be affected and can have a relationship with my child. I was sure to be supportive to him by expressing unconditional love and access to my child. But he already had my mom wrapped up into the conversation and it went south very quickly.
He immediately started to discredit my trauma and defend our mom… which is to be expected considering he is so badly brainwashed and taken advantage by her. I know first hand, from years of experience that when someone wants a relationship with her kids but without her, all hell breaks loose. Not only do those people get harassed and berated by her and her kids, but she also causes so much emotional turmoil to her own kids by involving them and manipulating them into fighting her battles on her behalf. If me or my brother did not comply, we were screamed at, called awful things and guilted for being “unappreciative”. So I understand, this is exactly what he is still going through.
My brother is starting to turn sour. He is so deep into this mess that he has become hostile and manipulative himself. I feel so bad for him because I know how miserable it is to be in his shoes. Through all my efforts of being kind and unconditionally loving to him, he went at me for being “selfish” and used my own BPD to try to gaslight me, telling me that my BPD doesn’t let me see the truth. I stupidly brought up the fact that my mom was suggested to have BPD. I am an adult and have access to this information entirely by myself, but of course my brother and mom immediately target my dad and accuse him of sharing documents with me.
Following these accusations, my brother let me know that my mom was going to take my father to court for “contempt of court” because the documents state that they cannot be shared with the child. However, I’m a 23 year old adult and have rights to my own family court information. They just wanted to pin this on my dad and use legal threats, as always, against him. It’s ironic because she states that she hates litigation, but in reality she had taken my dad to court over EVERYTHING for 17 years and judges had always been in his favour.
She’s always tried to hinder my relationship with my dad. My whole life she would tell me that he didn’t actually want to see me, he just wanted to pay less child support (who on earth says that to their child? An evil and sick person). These accusations were not true, however they did cause me pain and helped my mom alienate me from my dad for 4 years. My dad has always done what’s needed to be done, paid my child support and seen me as much as he can. When she says that he takes her to court for “pennies”, it’s because my mom makes a living off of other peoples money/hard work and always wanted more than what was mandated.
She’d request my dad to pay HER for my extracurricular activities, which is sketchy to begin with… she would refuse for him to pay for these activities directly to the source. It always had to go through her, so of course my dad would rather it go through court so he could ensure it went straight to the source as she is known to keep as much money for herself as possible. Keep in mind, my dad was a penny pincher because he paid almost double of what should have been paying for a single child (my brother has a different dad). He shouldn’t have had to worry about where my child support was going, but with her antics and history, of course he would be.
Anyway, I saw a comment from my dead family dogs Facebook account on a few of my posts about BPD. My mom had copied and pasted her same message onto multiple posts to defend herself. She wants a public voice, which is fair, and funny honestly because her entire post just shows her true colours and blatant attempts to manipulate not only me but whoever is reading. Here are her PUBLIC comments:
There was another long paragraph here that I chose not to include because she tried to expose her old friend and included peoples first and last names without their consent. She tried calling her out for things she had done in the past all because her past friend has since been one of my biggest supports. Along with MANY other friends and family of hers that no longer want any contact with her.
Does this sound like a loving, caring or concerned mom? Or is this a bitter, narcissist that is reaching for control in all the wrong ways. Notice the one sentence where she tries to take accountability, totally twists it and feels entitled to compassion? No she did not just yell or have mental breakdowns. She would scheme, threaten suicide, vandalize property, guilt and emotionally/verbally/mentally abuse those who did not agree with her.
Here was my response… 😇 this is all. Thank you for coming!