She always had something critical to say about the people that no longer want a relationship with her. She’d create a victim narrative and would rally outcasts together to cheer her on. Once she is done with these vulnerable people, she slanders them and is on to the next victim. This information is very important for the following segment because from ages 1-17 I was around several different people that my mom had wrangled in with her charm and would abuse over time. Each of these people would be in our lives for a couple months or years at a time, but one of them was an ex-boyfriend of mine that my mom conveniently decided to keep around.
His name was Brandon, I don’t care to keep his name private as I personally think he was aware of what my mom was doing to me and got a thrill out of watching it all unfold. I was introduced by a friend to an older guy from high school, I was only 13 at the time so I was eager & only in junior high. Shortly after meeting this person, I got to know his family, and coincidentally I had been going to school with his younger brother Brandon. Brandon had a crush on me and his brother knew it, so he asked me to give him a shot and go out with him. I dated Brandon for 3 weeks and broke up with him because I had no attraction to him other and was only intrigued by his infatuation with me. My mom met him a at my band camp (she always had to volunteer to my school events) & was friendly with him from the start. Brandon was shy and weak-mined so when I broke up with him, my mother asked me to remain friends with him because he had been so nice to me.
Days, weeks and months went by and Brandon never left my house. He was frequently there from 8AM (with a coffee for my mom) until bedtime. It felt weird but my mom would rant and rave about what a good guy he was and that I was rude to not hangout with him. She always guilt-tripped me into inviting the outcast kids over and then she would be-friend them, usually after finding out they had a strained relationship with their parents. Months, bouquets and dozens of love letters later and my mom had helped Brandon convince me to date him again. I was miserable the entire time but decided to be happy with a “good guy” and please my family at the same time. My indifference to him quickly became resentment and then hatred. It felt as though he knew I wanted to be on my own and didn’t want him around, so he got a kick out of kissing my moms ass and being on her side of arguments.
At this point what I thought was a very close relationship with my mom turned into a relationship full of spite and frustration. My mom knew after months of dating again that I was done, and she tried very hard to change my mind. I broke up with Brandon in my Garage and expected him to go home right after so I could continue on with my life, but nope, he waited in my garage for 40 minutes until my mom came home. They spoke for hours and trust me when I say; this kid never left my house again. My mom told me that I wouldn’t ever find a guy that cared about me like he did.
This break up was different from the first. Brandon became a monster. He knew my relationship with my mom was not healthy, and decided to work against me in every way possible. My mom decided that since he would never be with me, that he should be an older brother figure and go with me everywhere. From junior high through high school I was grounded constantly, for anything from doing chores incorrectly to “talking back” which was really just anyone disagreeing with her. These groundings were a perfect way for my mom to keep a close eye on me and a tight grip as well. Id have my phone and electronics taken away, my social media passwords changed and would be forbidden from seeing my friends for an upwards of 3 months at a time.
Since Brandon was around every single day, it was an opportunity for my mom to keep another set of eyes on me! At this point I was just going into grade 10 and Brandon already had his license. I was happy to take the bus each day to and from school but because my mom didn’t trust me, she had Brandon drive me to school and back every day. I had no say, it was a part of the punishment, she did anything in her power to keep me and Brandon together. At first Brandon would mind his own business but with time and my mom’s influence, he eventually started thriving off of mine and my moms fighting. He began to spy on me at school and update my mom with pictures and texts about what I was doing or who I was with. I should mention that my mom would always drive a wedge between my brother and myself by telling him I was abusive to him, and this became a trend with Brandon too.
This became an issue for my privacy as I was constantly being watched, monitored and would get grounded for months at a time, taking my social life from large to almost nothing. My mom was happy and had everything she wanted when I was stuck at home with no contact from anyone but herself and Brandon. She had all my passwords to everything (bank included), had “friends” of mine to keep her updated 24/7, a tracker on my phone and car keys and would punish me for “not respecting her”. Over time I felt completely harassed as my mother was always battling me, my family didn’t trust me, my friends had heard rumours about me – from my mom – and had absolutely no sense of self. I had years of my mom calling me names or telling me there were too many things wrong with me and I eventually became that person.
Read my next post about my relationship with J to get a better idea of where life took me after this. But I will say that Brandon continued to live with my mom, he enrolled in the same program as me at university and essentially stalked me from the back of class. Today, he is just another one of my mom’s enemies. I have no contact with any of them but mutual friends and family have informed me that Brandon was kicked out for having too many girls over as my mother claimed he was a sex-addict. Her biggest claim was that he said something rude about her to my older disabled brother. I saw this coming of course, not her accusations, but I knew Brandon would eventually branch off from my mom and get major backlash from her while doing so.
My BPD Companion 